


the team discusses clonefucking

by nonbinaryezrabridger



Series: stargate trope bingo [15]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Bodyswap, Innuendo, M/M, but no actual sex occurs, don’t copy to other sites, rated M for sex talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:07:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24267142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonbinaryezrabridger/pseuds/nonbinaryezrabridger
Summary: Jack and Daniel get bodyswapped. Jack is very entertained by the situation. Daniel, not so much.
Relationships: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Series: stargate trope bingo [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698106
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	the team discusses clonefucking

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the body swap square of my stargate trope bingo
> 
> tw for this story:
> 
> aforementioned sex talk, but no actual sex. some cursing

\---------

One minute Jack is standing next to Daniel on the raised altar, staring at the carvings on the wall, next thing he knows he’s collapsing to the floor. He groans as his ass hits hard rock floor and his poor joints scream at the jolt. He hears Sam’s concerned voice say:

“Sir?”

He raises his head to say:

“Yes?”

She twitches towards him, a confused look on her face, and says:

“Daniel?”

Jack says.

“You called for me.”

Sam steps towards him and speaks with concern obvious in her voice:

“No, Daniel, I called for Colonel O’Neill.”

Jack is beginning to get a bad feeling about this.

“Well, I’m right here. Why do you keep calling me Daniel?”

Sam looks shocked and behind her, Teal’c raises an eyebrow.

“You mean you’re not Daniel?”

Jack huffs out an annoyed breath and snarls:

“I’m Jack!”

There’s a groan from next to him and Jack looks down for Daniel only to find himself face to face with...himself? He jumps a foot in the air and curses:

“Holy shit!”

The Jack on the floor, the not-him, looks up and there’s fear on that face as he curses as well:

“What the fuck?”

Sam always quick to catch on, steps forward and asks:

“So if you’re Jack,”

She points to Jack. 

“Then you’re Daniel.”

She points at the not-him. The not him nods and says:

“Yes, I’m Daniel.”

Sam sighs and pulls something out of her pack, handing it over to Jack.

“Take a look at yourself.”

Jack opens the compact and looks in the small mirror, staring in astonishment at the blue eyes staring back. They're framed by those nerdy glasses Daniel always wears. There’s no doubt; he’s looking at Daniel, not his own body. Silently, he hands the compact over so not-him-maybe-Daniel can see. Maybe-Daniel gasps at seeing Jack’s face in the mirror and looks up at Sam, asking:

“Is it possible...”

Sam sighs: 

“You switched bodies? That’s my assumption right now.”

Jack groans and buries his face in his hands:

“I’ve become a nerd! The horror, the horror!”

Daniel protests:

“Hey! My body is not that bad!”

Jack pulls his head up and gives Daniel a sultry look, unable to resist teasing his nerd.

“You know how much I like your body, Daniel.”

Daniel blushes, hard, but focuses and says:

“Okay, nice to hear but not when you’re literally inside of me.”

Jack almost laughs at the way he worded that and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. Daniel groans, going as red as a tomato, and buries his face in his hands as he says:

“Not what I meant to say.”

Sam coughs, interrupting Jack’s fun, and says:

“Why don’t Teal’c and I stay here so I can study whatever did this to you. Meanwhile, I think you two should get checked out by Janet.”

Jack shrugs, feeling weird that his bad shoulder doesn’t click. But then again, this isn’t his body. That’s going to take some getting used to. He shakes off the weirdness and says:

“Sounds good to me.”

Daniel nods in agreement and follows Jack out of the cavern. As they leave, Jack yells back over his shoulder at Sam and Teal’c:

“You two don’t swapped too, you hear me?”

There’s a faint “yes sir” from Sam. As they walk out of the cavern and into the grassy plain where the stargate waits, the sun beams hit Jack in the eyes. He reaches for his sunglasses around his neck only to quickly find they’re not there. He remembers why and gets hit with another wave of weirdness. He sighs and looks over at his own body.

“Can’t wait to see Hammond’s face when he hears about this.”

Daniel sighs, smiling with Jack's lips, but still recognizable as his smile. He says:

“We sure do find ourselves in situations, don’t we.”

Jack grins back, the movement feeling strange with the fuller lips on Daniel’s face. 

“We certainly do.”

\-----------

Daniel comes through the gate, stumbling slightly as the burn in his shoulder and knee returns. It’s a low level pain, but quite uncomfortable. He hadn’t realized Jack had such intense permanent damage to his body. He shakes off his thoughts when General Hammond looks him in the eye and says:

“Colonel O’Neill, report.”

Daniel hesitates and Hammond begins to look confused. Thankfully Jack speaks up, using Daniel’s voice louder than Daniel usually does. He says:

“I would be over here, General. We got body swapped.”

Hammond’s face turns from confused to alarmed.

“You got what?”

Jack sighs and shrugs and says nonchalantly:

“You know how it is, you step onto some dusty old altar and next thing you know I’m in Daniel’s body and he’s in mine.”

Hammon looks like he wants to rub at his temple.

“Get to the infirmary. ”

Daniel gladly obeys.

\--------

Jack and Daniel enter the infirmary to find Janet waiting, her foot tapping and her hands on her hips. As they enter she gives them a mock glare and teases:

“What have you two gotten into this time?”

Jack shrugs.

“Just a little body swapping, you know, keeping it interesting.”

Daniel sighs next to him and groans:

“I’m already sick of this. Is there any aspirin? My shoulder hurts like hell.”

Jack rolls his shoulders and gloats:

“I feel fine.”

Daniel glares at him as he throws back the aspirin a nurse brings him.

“Don’t get used to that. I expect my body back, and soon.”

Jack replies:

“You know that’s not in my control, Danny.”

Daniel glares harder at the pet name, before getting distracted by a nurse dragging him away to check him over. Jack is fortunate enough to get Janet for his exam. She thoroughly pokes and prods him before reluctantly announcing that he seems fine. Jack happily hops up--and what a joy to have his knee stay stable under him unlike in his own body--and saunters off to shower. Before he does he makes sure to ask Daniel if that’s okay. After all, it is a little weird to have   
Daniel’s body buck naked without him actually being there. Still, he gets the go ahead, and gives Daniel permission to shower in his body as well. He’s lucky he got switched with his boyfriend, otherwise showering would be an extreme no go. In fact, he’s not too upset this has happened. To him, it’s quite entertaining. 

\--------

Daniel is in his quarters, just about to take a nap---this body feels exhausted and he doesn't know if that’s normal or not---when there’s a knock at the door. He sighs and sits back up, calling out:

“Come in!”

The door opens and he’s once again looking at his own face. He tries his best not to be weirded out by it and says:

“Hey Jack.”

Jack gives him a little wave before walking over and sitting next to him on the bed. He takes Daniel's hand, running his fingers over his palm before squeezing his hand tight. He asks:

“How are you doing, Daniel?”

Daniel sighs and shrugs, his shoulder twinging with the movement.

“I’m fine, I guess. I just hope Sam changes us back soon.”

Jack smiles and says proudly:

“You know Sam, she’ll have it figured out in no time.”

Daniel sighs again, relieved this time, feeling safer with Jack around. He leans into his boyfriend and Jack wraps an arm around him, surrounding him in warmth. They sit in silence for a moment before Jack speaks up:

“This might be weird to say, but I think you’re pretty hot like this.”

Daniel laughs, having trouble believing that.

“That’s pretty vain of you to say.”

Jack grins and asks:

“What, you don’t want to take this once in a lifetime chance to fuck yourself?”

Daniel wrinkles his nose and shakes his head.

“No thanks.”

Jack laughs and teases:

“Your self loathing is really that strong?”

Daniel laughs; at one point in his life such a comment might have struck too close to home. But he’s worked on his issues and gotten better and Jack knows it. Daniel teases back:

“I wouldn’t say this is a once in a lifetime chance. I’m sure we’ll meet other selves again if you’re truly that interested in fucking yourself.”

Jack considers that. 

“I don’t know. I know I’m hot but every other self I’ve ever met has pissed me off.”

Daniel smirks:

“Hmm. I wonder what that says about your personality.”

Jack scowls and protests:

“Hey!”

Daniel laughs and distracts him with:

“I could be convinced to give you a kiss.”

Jack does his best to give him puppy eyes, which is strangely effective in his borrowed body. Daniel rolls his eyes and gives in:

“Fine.”

He leans in and they promptly knock noses, unused to kissing in bodies not their own. They quickly correct and their lips meet. It’s unfamiliar enough to be strange, but still good. Daniel pulls away and sighs happily. Jack grins at him and cuddles closer. Jack asks:

“What do you say we take a nap?”

Daniel lets himself relax into Jack’s arms as Jack lies down, pulling him down with him.

“That’s just what I was thinking.”

\---------

Jack wakes up to a familiar ache in his shoulder and knee, the pain meds Daniel had taken doing almost nothing to cut the pain down. He groans and stands, wandering off in search of a mirror. He finds one in the nearest bathroom and sure enough, his own face is staring back at him. He radios in to report the development to Hammond. A few moments later he hears alarms go off as Sam and Teal’c come back through the gate and he goes to meet them. As Sam walks down the ramp he asks:

“Got it all figured out?”

She smiles and shakes her head.

“Not at all sir. I’m glad the effect wore off after a couple hours, because I’m not sure I could have turned you back. All we know is it is a goa’uld device.”

Jack hums as he considers that before turning to teal’c and asking:

“Teal’c, a device like that, is it possible it’s a sex thing?”

Teal’c’s lips curl up slightly at the corners and his eyes twinkle with amusement.

“I believe that to be likely, O’Neill.”

Jack goes “Aha!” and claps his hands together victoriously.

“See! Daniel looked at me like I was crazy.”

Both Sam and Teal’c watch him with amused smiles, before he suddenly asks:

“What about you two, would you, yaknow, with yourself?”

Sam sputters and Teal’c intones:

“I believe my staff weapon is in need of repair.” 

Before quickly escaping out of the gate room. Jack turns to Sam, who blushes hard and squeaks out:

“Sorry sir, gotta go.”

Before also leaving. Jack huffs. 

“Prudes.”

\---------


End file.
